Why you keep holding yourself back

Hey man,

it’s Sunday and before I jump into my quarterly review - I want to share something that hit me.

Have you ever stood in your own way?

Like, you had an opportunity to approach a girl or you felt the burning desire to connect, but instead of stepping forward, you froze.

Your mind threw up every excuse it could

She’s taken.
It’s not the right time.
I’ll embarrass myself

and by the time you snapped out of it, the opportunity is gone.

I’ve been there too, countless times. It’s like your brain is trying to self-sabotage you on purpose.

But here is what I've learned:

It’s not about the girl or the external situation. It’s about you.

Every time you hesitate, second-guess yourself, or look for approval from others, it’s because deep down you don’t trust yourself.

There is a little voice within you that says
“I’m not good enough”

And instead of stepping up, you listen to this voice.

But this voice is not you. It’s just a pattern of self-doubt that you’ve been carrying for a long time - a habit.

And like any habit, it can be broken.

One evening I was about to have dinner with my girlfriend when I started feeling very sad.

It was not because of something she did, or anything that had happened earlier in the day - I just felt this way.

Normally I’d ignore it or even distract myself from it, but this time it was strong and I realized that it was an opportunity for me to step forward

so instead of having dinner I told her I needed to just sit with this feeling - and I did. Facing it head on, in silence and sometimes getting a question from her so that I could explore the answer within me.

30 minutes passed by and I still felt it

60 minutes passed by and it has intensified. My brain wanted me to just let it go and find some comfort.

90 minutes later, I felt a release.

It was an old pattern that broke, and suddenly I realized it had just been a story telling me that being this way (feeling sad) was not good enough.

But here you see that despite what the old stories in the brain said - they were never true!

Your turn.

The next time you feel yourself hesitating, try this:

1. Pause. Instead of forcing yourself into action, or avoiding the situation, take a breath.

2. Acknowledge the fear. Tell yourself “I’m feeling fear, and that is OK”.

3. Imperfect action. Even if it could’ve been ever better, just take action now.

Every time you act despite the feeling of self-doubt, you’re increasing your self-trust. Over time, this because your new way of being.

Ask yourself this:
What would I do today if I stopped seeking approval and trusted myself fully?

Now go do that.

We’ll talk soon.

Edin

PS: Reply if you ever stood in your own way - would love to hear your story.