Why not approaching her

Hey man,

It sucks when you see a girl, overthink and then lose the opportunity to approach her.

Especially because you now know what you could have said.

And then, the evening is over.

You spent the whole time doing stuff you didn’t even enjoy.

But…if you know how to respond to this moment - it’s not wasted.

Today, you’ll figure out what that is - but first, let me tell you how I overcame it.

Yesterday,

I’ve finished my work. The sun is setting. I need some fresh air.

I don’t feel social, but I know that it will be good for me to go out and potentially approach a girl or two.

I walk out…and there is a lot of people.

I live on this street which is a 15 minute walk down to the beach with restaurants and shops on each side.

A lot of people, not too crowded, but enough so that every minute or so there is a cute girl walking by.

I see one.

“Nah, she’s not really that cute..”

I let her go.

Then another…

“Hmm, I don’t think so. I don’t need to do it”

A third one passes by.

I realize that I’m avoiding it.

In the past, this is where I would start to self-attack and just go home feeling like a bag of potatoes.

Instead, I start small.

I sit down on a bench to meditate.

My mind tells me that it will be embarassing, because people are walking by.

“Thank you for sharing. Now I know that this is exactly what I need. The reason I’m not approaching is not the how the girls look, it’s that I’m worried what others will think!”

So I sit down and do a special meditation, letting go of the control of how others perceive me.

I start shaking, keeping my eyes closed, I feel a release.

I let out a sigh…

Open my eyes.

And start to see for the first time.

Wow.

It’s all so different.

People seem friendlier. I feel more connected.

I get up and start walking.

A girl walks by, not my type, but I think why not say hi to her…

then on my way I see one that really catches my attention.

“Wow” I think to myself

I turn around and as I’m walking up to her I can feel how my nervous system wants to shut down from the pressure of approaching a girl on the street

the fear of how others will perceive me

which stopped me just a few moments ago

but because I’ve just done the meditation, my awareness is at a level where I can relax with it

so I actually enjoy it.

I go up.

She is on her way to a dinner, kind of rushing, but because I’m so relaxed she stays for a few minutes and offers me her phone number.

And that’s how it’s done.

Now, if you don’t know how to let go of the control of how others perceive you (I teach this to my students)

then you might find yourself back home regretting now going up.

Then here’s what you need to realize:

This is a great opportunity for growth!

A part of you is feeling ashamed and wants to hide. That’s not weird, because it feels very unpleasant.

The average guy would just keep on distracting himself.

That’s why, when you’re being average, you feel the pull to your phone as soon as you come back home.

But, you’re not here to be average, are you?

Nope, so this is your moment to shine.

Do not scroll your phone → Instead sit with the unpleasant feelings
Do not self-attack → Instead be self-compassionate
Do not wish for things to be different → Instead acknowledge the moment as it is

This way, you win either way, because you grow.

And if you want to grow, but also go on a date by authentically approaching that girl - then be ready because something is coming to your inbox this week…

Stay empowered warrior,

Edin