Wanna feel good enough?

Hey brother,

last night I had an epic session with my students.

I’m feeling goosebumps just speaking about it.

We connected with our authentic selves, released shame and built self-compassion.

One by one, we shared our weekly wins and every time the answer was the same.

Pay attention, because this is not going to be your traditional dating advice and if you really catch the point, your life will change.

Imagine coming home from the office.

As you enter your room, you start thinking back to the moment when your colleague said you should not have said something.

Objectively, you didn’t do anything wrong…but you still feel guilty.

Maybe you were complimenting a woman and he didn’t like it.

Going to bed, you feel restless because the thought that you should not have done it keeps swirling in your mind…

"I should not have done it”
“It was bad of me”
“I cannot show myself at work”

Let’s stop here, because if not, you’re not going to be able to sleep - and we know that your sleep affects your mood!

How do you respond to a situation like this?

a) Try to ignore it?

b) Argue with it?

c) Distract yourself by scrolling your phone?

How about instead,

d) Love and accept yourself exactly as you are?

How would that feel?

It’s possible, and here is where you start:

This part of yourself, let’s call him the Inner child, is hurt.

He wants love.

In the past, when you were in school, the other kids would laugh if you came with ideas and expressed yourself, so you learned to shut him down.

Without being aware of it, you rejected yourself.

So, because you no longer looked for your own love, you started to look for it outside yourself.

Approval from others, validation from girls and so on.

That’s why this event triggered you.

Now, how do you get out of it?

I’m sure you can almost guess it by now.

You do it by loving and accepting your inner child.

I’ve found that asking him questions works wonders, and yes, I literally mean having a conversation with yourself, either in your mind or out loud.

Example:

Inner Child: “I should not have done it”
You: “What do you mean?”
Inner Child: “I could have been better”
You: “You could have been better?”
Inner Child: “Yes, I should not have said that”
You: “Why?”
Inner Child: “Maybe he doesn’t like me now..”
You: “I see, you are afraid he doesn’t like you”
Inner Child: “Yes”
You: “Ok. Why is that important to you?”
Inner Child: “Because, if he likes me then I can relax”
You: “What do you mean?”
Inner Child: “Well, I would feel safe”
You: “In what way?”
Inner Child: “I would know he likes me and therefore I can be myself”
You: “Aah, so you want to be yourself”
Inner Child: “Yes”
You: “What stops you from being yourself now?”
Inner Child: “I don’t know, maybe… you won’t like me”
You: “I wont like you?”
Inner Child: “Yeah…”
You: “Why not?”
Inner Child: “Because…you don’t like me when I’m this way”
You: “Ah, you feel like I don’t like you when you’re this way”
Inner Child: “Exactly”
You: “Aah, that doesn’t sound good”
Inner Child: “No, it’s not and it hurts because I want you to like me”
You: “You want me to like you”
Inner Child: “Yes. Can I be as I am and you still like me?”
You: “If you can be as you are, and if I still like you? Yes of course my love”
Inner Child: “Thank you. Can we be social now?”

Yes, we just went through an actual conversation with my inner child. 

And from my experience it often looks like this. Your inner child feels hurt and wants you to love and accept him as he is.

As you do, he’ll start feeling good enough…

and you’ll notice that as he does,

you do too.

That’s when life start flowing, dating becomes fun and easy and you feel safe within yourself.

I’ll see you tomorrow,

Edin