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- Overthinking in dating
Overthinking in dating
Here's how to end it
Hey man,
My friend’s talking to a girl behind me.
Any my mind?
Judging him - hard.
Why?
Because now I’d like to talk to a girl too - you know what I mean?
How your mind, which could serve as your wingman, instead drags you down.
Thinking about what someone at work said
Regretting not making a move with a girl
Feeling bad for not getting a text back
Now, let me be clear - I obviously have this too (though it’s reduced by about 95%), so I’m not judging you.
These feel like small problems, they can consume us like life-or-death battles.
And it can suck, like, these things can occupy your mind for hours, days, weeks or even more!
It becomes a mental health problem, which hinders your dating life.
But, this your choice!
And if that triggered you, good.
You’re not here to get surface level dating advice like
“Change your Tinder photos”
“Practice your voice”
“Learn the best pick-up lines”
because while these things can help you on the surface, there is something so much more powerful.
Something that if you mastered, you would not only have girls attracted to you, but you wouldn’t stress about it!
It’s not a product, service or a new app
It’s something we were given for free, and what we are given for free is often taken for granted.
Can you guess what it is?
Your mind
Why does it matter?
Because once we make this choice of no longer letting our minds control us, and instead become the master, everything changes.
It’s a choice, because here’s what took me 31 years to realize:
You are the master of your mind, not the other way around.
Let me repeat that
You are the master of your mind, not the other way around.
Now let that sink in
Brother, I’ve made this choice and I would love for you to do it too.
You could be boosting your mental health to a level where dating becomes easy - because you’re never stuck in the past or the future.
Sounds good? Yes, and so far it works. As I’m writing this, a girl sat in front of me and of course your boy started talking with her. When I catch my mind overthinking, I just go back to the breath.
Now, it’s your turn.
It requires practice - not perfect meditation - just a willingness to choose presence over the spiral.
ZEPRO - The choice
As soon as you catch yourself thinking about something that happened, or something that causes you anxiety - return to your breath.
Just observe the natural flow of your breath.
Your mind might argue - don’t fight it
Make your choice
Go back to the problem
Go back to the natural flow of the breath
If you do, you’ll notice that you suddenly feel more present and less pulled by the problem.
Now you can change your view into a more positive one.
Example:
Didn’t approach her → I’m aware of where I held back, now I can learn and next time act with more integrity.
The way you remember the ZEPRO technique is
ZE (you’re about to fall into negativity, symbolized with ZERO)
then you take a pause to breath (P)
and instead you become PRO (positive)
The Pause is the difference between ZEro and PRO
ZEPRO
Let me know how it goes,
Edin