Dating coaches have been lying to you

Hey man,

Today I saw a reel from a quite famous dating coach and I felt frustrated because he said something along the lines of

“2024 is different; girls are now screening for value, and you need to have a great IG"

which is great if you want to create a problem that doesn’t exist so you can sell your product.

But, it also puts limits on the worldview of the person believing it.

Girls are not much different

Attraction is not a choice

It works like magnets

and it’s this 1 thing that is likely holding you back today, not your Instagram account.

I realized I was being too tense and was not fully enjoying either sex or working on my business.

Why?

When having sex I was just focused on getting her to come, or not coming myself, and on creating a great experience for us.

During working hours I wanted to convince people, I wanted the guy to buy, and I wanted people to see me.

What is the problem?

I was outcome dependent.

By constantly focusing on what I wanted to happen, I was not being present.

And you know, as an aware guy, what happens when you’re not present?

• You become lazy

• You go into autopilot mode

• Suddenly you fall into negative habits

A few days ago I had a realization + I’ve been playing around with ChatGPT lately and discovered something so basic

so natural

so…normal

that looking back at how excited I was when having the realization, I’m feeling kind of embarrassed.

I need to let go of pre-planned outcomes

In intimacy, this means to go into each moment without a specific goal in mind. Focusing on being present with her, feeling the sensations in my body, and allowing things to unfold naturally.

Letting go of these performance pressures and outcomes (like making her come) can instead open up more joyful and connected experiences.

In business, it means to allowing my actions to flow from the present moment, rather than being too fixated on getting something out of it.

Whether it’s a sales call, in the inbox, or making content, trusting that the process will lead to a good outcome without forcing it.

What does this mean for you?

When you go out, you can have an intention (I want to share good energy and flirt with girls I find attractive)

then, as you go into the interaction you become very present and try to enjoy it as much as you can while trusting that something good will come out of it.

And trust me…it will.

Best wishes,

Edin