A moment ago

Hey man,

This is embarrassing.

I’m working as a dating coach, and now I’m about to write how I stepped out of my grounded confidence and allowed fear to guide my action.

Let’s see if you learn something with me.

I’ve been sick again.

These events I’ve been going to the last couple of months have been empowering, but also stressful.

My body is recovering for the 3rd time since September.

Anyways.

The sun is out, so I go for a walk.

I like to follow my intuition on these walks, listen to the signs of the Universe, like different symbols I see in the wind, how people move and actual traffic signs.

Deciding to sit down on a bench, there is a man next to me.

I’ve been practicing my Spanish lately, and in a few hours I have another session with Massiel, by teacher from Mexico.

I wanna say something to the man, but I think to myself that I have nothing to say…

And then.

The wind starts to blow in a way which tells me that I’m being supported.

I ask him

“How do you say autumn in Spanish?”

He replies and we’re talking for a few minutes. He’s teaching me how to say the 4 seasons.

Primavera, verano, ontono, invierno (in case you wondered;))

As he leaves, I just sit here in appreciation.

Grateful actually, for a random guy to have taught me the 4 seasons.

I get up and as I cross the road I wanna double check my new insight.

A couple is walking my direction, but I don’t want to bother them as they are just randomly passing by.

I do it despite that thought and something amazing happens.

As I’m telling them I’m practicing Spanish and ask if they can correct me, they do and they are attentive with me.

I feel like a little child.

As I walk away, I’m feeling loved. They are about as old as my parents, and they were so compassionate. It's like the parents I never had.

(btw interesting how me feeling grateful for a random Spanish “teacher” and then a moment later two Spanish “teachers” teach me Spanish”.

I continue walking and sit down in a little park.

Across me, a girl sits down with her lunch.

She’s eating, and a part of me wants to say something to her.

I feel the hesitation again. I don’t want to bother her with her lunch.

“Why is it so difficult with the girl and it was so much easier with the other people?”

I believe it’s about shame, and the programming in our belief system that sits deeper than with strangers in general.

Now, I get up and I do a technique which is called the Babystep process.

Instead of just going left and straight home, I decide to first pass her, go on the right side of her before turning left to the road leading to my area.

I do…and that’s it.

There ain’t no Disney story ending.

No romantic finish. We didn’t talk. I didn’t approach her.

Instead I’m back home with you, writing, and I believe my win is converting this experience into the opportunity for myself to grow while sharing it with you.

The way I do this is by being present and compassionate with myself, feeling the feelings of guilt about not talking with her….

Telling myself it’s okay.

This is the point where you are likely to distract yourself. I used to do it with weed, video games, porn and even sex.

All to avoid the uncomfortable feelings…which are the road to growth. 

Now, there will be a part 2 to this story, because the next time I’m in a situation like this, I’ll talk to her and then we’ll not only get the inner work done, but also the external work.

Because it is in my experience that the combination of inner and external work is what gets us the results we seek which are an inner sense of peace + a girl we like by our side.

Let me know how you like this way of writing by the way. I think it’s less formal and more heart to heart.

See you in the next one.

Stay empowered,

Edin